Review: Mandy Mystery's Sex Schule

Girliegirls talk about "it". What? No Bananas!?

Mandy Mystery’s Sex Schule

Lenght: 100min

Language: German

Mandy Mystery’s Sex Schule is a movie about a couple that is having trouble in the bedroom area. Obviously, they have a friend called Mandy, who helps them in their problem area. Does Mandy have her own agenda, or does she genuinely want to help Kai and Linda in their situtation, is revealed during the course of the movie.

Great coffee. Now, do I have to swallow this crap?

The movie is generally very boring, and has actors that are ripped straight from ”Days of our Lives.”. It also starts veeeery slowly, and the first action scene on starts at 32 minutes!! Mind you, I only understand a few words of german, which is a slight problem, considering this movie is german. Nevertheless, I  understood most that was happening in this movie. It didn’t really take a rocket scientist, considering that the male character in this movie mainly talks in grunts and ”Jaa-jaa”s. The femaly characters have dialog that is slightly more advanced, but at certain points they too lower themselves to the point of ”Jaa-jaa”s and ”ach-jaa”s.

This guy has some great dialog. Here's some.

One big problem I had with this movie was the food they were eating in this movie. While the women were talking about Linda’s and Kai’s problems, they were eating biscuits and salt sticks! Poor women! Where are all the vitamins!? Where’s the meat!? As a native Antarctican I understand, how important good food is before exercise. I’m absolutely positive, that these women were famished after their exercises! This is probably why the women looked like they had seen better times. If I would have been there, I would have offered them my main dish, the great Antactican sausage. It’s very delicious with a milksauce.

From left to right: "Blaablaablaa", "Blaablaa","Jaa-jaa!".

I found it very strange that there was generally very little music in this movie. Music is a very important part of our great Antarctican culture. Apparently germans don’t have such a culture, even though they have lederhoses that suit nicely a friendly evening of karaoke. Luckily the male character in this movie had a voice that sounded kind of like music. The ”Jaaa-jaa”s and ”ach-jaa”s were very catchy. A karaoke version of the song would be greatly appreciated in our long, cold winters.

Mandy looks after her students intently.

The wardrobe of this movies actresses was suprisingly large, considering that they changed their bra’s after every scene. The lighting was nice and blue, pulled straight from Cameron’s ”The Abyss”. I waited and waited, but alas, there were no action scenes with sub-ocean tentaclemonsters. There were also not many places in this movie. Most of the movie was shot in a second class sauna with a bed. Sometimes the women talked in someone’s kitchen, but generally the movie had very little change of scenery.

Check out the panels in this sauna!

The camera stuck at peoples faces and other places too for far too long. I believe the cameraman had some Antarctican seizures. These are very common among the men of our people. It happens when we look at one place for too long. It is very hard to move our eyes afterwards. There were some nice special tricks, such as the niagara falls scene, but generally this movies photography was nothing to write home about.

Antarctican seizure. Very serious.

In conclusion, the movie fell flat in the plot department, but had some nice scenes. It’s a definite rental, but I wouldn’t  watch it more than once. SO....

** Two chef stars!

And the big reveal is....... Girls just wanna have spaß.