AdultMovieChef: Review: Eternity

This is a logo.

Eternity (2005)

2h 30 min.

Director: Brad Armstrong

Language: English

Actors: Jessica Drake, Stormy Daniels, Randy Spears...

I’ve always loved costume dramas. Well, not really, I usually find them extremely boring. However, costume dramas with action are extremely interesting. They always make my mouth all wet, just like before a nice afternoon tea (and biscuits). Yes, I do drink tea. No, it does not make me Englishman in Antarctica.


Wellwell. It does fit, after all.

A woman is getting married, wierdly enough, in present time. In 2005. Anyway, the woman’s mother wants to tell a story about her mother. Or grandmother. Or GRAND grandmother. Apparently, the first woman-to-be-married isn’t really in a hurry to get married, because her mother manages to tell her a decade worth of story. In a very graphic manner.

...Huge tracks of land.

Ok. Female readers, a question for you: If you would tell your daughter about your grandmothers life in the 19th century, would you go in to all the little details, like how your grandmother was a total slut and pretty much sucked the whole village dry? I’d like to think you wouldn’t. Well, this mother does. Apparently that is the reason why the daughter is so interested in listening her babble on and on about all the sausages the grandmother managed to gobble.

Grammy like sausages.

Grammy REALLY like sausages.

This review may have sounded a bit negative. But worry not! This movie is definitely one to watch, IF you happen to have 2 hours and 30 minutes of free time at your hand. And/or possibly something else on your hand too. If you happen to be a couple in look for a good movie weekend, this movie is actually pretty good. It has action, drama, good acting and bad acting, and very little of the typical monologue certain female (adult) movie stars tend to use over and over again. So no ”Shitshitshit-fuckfuckfuck”. Or at least very little of it.

What a beautiful headboard!

The music in this movie was good. It fit the era nicely. Also, there was lot’s of it and even the action scenes had some on their backgrounds. The moaning of the actors fell under the music, so the scenes were quite nice to watch, even with the sounds on!

Ooooh, what do we have here? Daddy?!

There were no special effects per se, but the movie had horses! Real, living horses! NO! You sick, sick person. The horses were ridden on. NONONO! Not in THAT way. And then a horse was also shot. With a gun. A pistol. Not an organ. Sigh.

Poor horsie.

Horsie on her happy days. Before death. She dies. She's shot. Not nice.

I liked it that the actors kept parts of their clothes on during the action scenes. In a lot of movies when an action scene enters the... Scene, the clothes fly away. Not in this movie. Sometimes a woman or a man was baking a ”pie” and both actors still had their clothes on! Wow.